Let’s face it, sleep regressions are inevitable, BUT not in the way you might think. Most sleep regressions happen due to a lack of consistency. Whether that’s in your child’s schedule, naps, routine, sleep coaching methods, or all of the above, consistency is KEY! As I said, there are always going to be regressions, but you can control how long they last by having an action plan and staying consistent.
Teaching your child to be an independent sleeper from the get-go is always going to be beneficial in avoiding sleep regressions (sometimes completely!), or at least making them short-lived. A well-rested child and one that knows how to self-settle and self-soothe is always going to handle an illness, teething, or developmental leap a lot easier than a child who is overtired and dependent on some sort of prop to fall asleep. In this blog I’m going to talk a lot about consistency, however, if your little one already has some sleep habits that need breaking, I would avoid staying consistent in those, and start staying consistent in breaking those habits and teaching your child the skill of independent sleep.
There are a few common reasons WHY a regression can happen. Developmental leaps and behavioral leaps are the two most common. Your child learns how to roll over or stand up, but they can’t quite roll back over or sit down, so they cry for you to help them. Going in to help them is fine! I’m not saying wait until they fall and hit their heads while they’re trying to figure out how to sit. But, going in, picking them up, rocking them to sleep, and then putting them back down is what you want to avoid! If they’ve been settling on their own up until this point, then there’s no reason to revert back to old habits, or start new ones, just because they’re going through a change.
In any instance where your little one wakes overnight or early from a nap, I suggest giving them 10-15 minutes to resettle. It could just be a disruption in their cycle where they simply need to reconnect it. If it’s time for them to eat, or they’ve pooped, or they need some Tylenol due to teething or an illness, then you go to them, do what they NEED, and leave it at that.
Illness is a big culprit as well. My daughter has had her fair share of illnesses in the past year and a half, and as her mom, I always feel like I need to cuddle a little more than usual. Which is totally okay! As long as it’s happening in moderation. When your little one is sick, they’re going to wake more often, as does anyone who isn’t feeling well. Sometimes they need their humidifier turned up, some Tylenol to bring down their fever, or maybe they need a diaper change. All of these things are normal and should be addressed with some urgency, but we leave it at that. You aren’t going in, changing their diaper, and feeding them to sleep. You’re keeping it strictly business, ensuring they’re as comfortable as possible, and leaving them to it. Because, if you start rocking them to sleep “for just a few nights while they’re sick”, you’re going to find yourself, two weeks later, rocking them to sleep every night and every time they wake up and cry for you. What’s happened now, is you took what could have been a short regression due to an illness, and formed it into a habit.
When dealing with a sleep regression, I often encourage parents to ask themselves, “Does my child NEED me, or do they WANT me?” This really goes for anything that can creep in and cause a regression, and that then triggers us to start inserting ourselves when we wouldn’t before causing an even longer regression. Sometimes as parents we try so hard to fix an issue that we end up erasing the skill that our children have learned, and that we have worked so hard to teach them! If you’re willing to do it, then why wouldn’t they want it?! It’s cozy and comfy to be rocked to sleep or crawl into bed with you and it’s sometimes easier for you to just let it happen vs giving them the tools and teaching them how to settle independently. My suggestion is: be available but don’t be excessive. Support them through that developmental leap or illness, but don’t replace their ability to self-settle. If your child learns to stand, and you’re worried about them falling and hitting their head on the side of the crib, then you go back in and lay them down. Then the next day you’re making a point to practice this skill with them. Help teach them how to get down independently without hurting themselves, or else it turns into a game where you’re in and out of their room 100 times a night laying them back down whenever they stand up.
A pacifier can pose a very similar issue. If your baby was sleeping great with the pacifier then all of a sudden they’re waking every hour on the hour because their pacifier is falling out of their mouth, and now you’re finding yourself getting up a million times to put it back in, it’s now becoming a habit that needs to be broken. WE DID THIS! IT’S NOT FUN! (if you’re struggling with dropping the pacifier, read my blog on pacifiers here!)
I don’t know about you, but I use an app to track my daughter’s developmental leaps, and it can be super helpful sometimes! Mostly to just give me the semblance of knowing that she’s going through changes and she’s going to be a little off. NOW, if any of you are tracking your child’s leaps do not get obsessed with it to a point where you’re LOOKING for regressions or almost manifesting them into existence. Take a step back, take a breath, reassess, and ask yourself that question, “Do they NEED me, or do they WANT me?”
We want to try to create a clear distinction between want vs need and build in that balance in order to assist our children through those physical, emotional, cognitive, and developmental changes they are going through, and it doesn’t have to be by resorting to old bad habits to get them to sleep. The key takeaways here are going to be
- Stay consistent! If you’re sensing that your child is going through some sort of regression, don’t revert back to old habits, and don’t start new ones.
- Ask yourself the question, “do they need me, or do they want me?”
- Support them through those developmental & behavioral leaps, and do what you can to ensure they’re as comfortable as possible while sick or teething, but don’t overdo it by turning yourself into the mechanism that gets them to sleep.
- And remember, regressions are temporary, this too shall pass, and you got this.